Heartbreak Loop

Purpose / Reason
✅ Notice recurring themes in your relationships (e.g., always choosing unavailable partners, similar endings).

How to Apply

1. List 3 recurring moments from past relationships (facts only).
2. Mark the red‑flag cues you ignored; write a better response line.
3. Choose one cue to honor for the next 2 weeks; set a reminder.
4. Debrief after each encounter—what changed, what to refine.

How & Why It Works

• Making patterns explicit reduces cognitive biases and enables better, earlier choices (implementation intentions).

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Do you feel the same core pain or frustration in each new heartbreak?

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ A sense of dread or inevitability when a new relationship starts to follow old patterns.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Write down all the negative or challenging aspects of the relationship and your ex. Be brutally honest.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Revisit the moments when red flags appeared. What did you ignore?

How to Apply

1. List 3 recurring moments from past relationships (facts only).
2. Mark the red‑flag cues you ignored; write a better response line.
3. Choose one cue to honor for the next 2 weeks; set a reminder.
4. Debrief after each encounter—what changed, what to refine.

How & Why It Works

• Making patterns explicit reduces cognitive biases and enables better, earlier choices (implementation intentions).

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Remind yourself that idealizing the past prevents you from creating a better future.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Work with a trauma-informed therapist (e.g., EMDR, somatic experiencing).

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Create a safe emotional and physical environment for healing.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Treat yourself with immense kindness and patience through the healing process.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ List all your positive qualities, talents, and accomplishments.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Prioritize daily activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.
• Rituals and narrative processing help integrate loss, reducing rumination and promoting meaning‑making.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Practice setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in all areas of your life.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Allow the pain to wash over you without fighting it, knowing it will recede.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Find healthy outlets: crying, journaling, intense exercise, talking to a trusted friend.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Remind yourself that feelings are temporary.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Cut off all communication and social media interaction. This is non-negotiable.

How to Apply

1. Commit to a strict 30‑day no‑contact window (block, mute, or archive).
2. Create a "distraction deck" of 10 short, absorbing tasks (2–10 min each).
3. When the urge hits, pick any task and start within 10 seconds.
4. Track urges and completions in a simple tally (✓); review weekly.

How & Why It Works

• Removing cues and redirecting attention weakens reward loops that keep obsession alive (habit reversal).

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ When obsessive thoughts arise, immediately pivot to an engaging activity.

How to Apply

1. Commit to a strict 30‑day no‑contact window (block, mute, or archive).
2. Create a "distraction deck" of 10 short, absorbing tasks (2–10 min each).
3. When the urge hits, pick any task and start within 10 seconds.
4. Track urges and completions in a simple tally (✓); review weekly.

How & Why It Works

• Removing cues and redirecting attention weakens reward loops that keep obsession alive (habit reversal).

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Question the validity of obsessive thoughts. Are they based on reality or fantasy?

How to Apply

1. Commit to a strict 30‑day no‑contact window (block, mute, or archive).
2. Create a "distraction deck" of 10 short, absorbing tasks (2–10 min each).
3. When the urge hits, pick any task and start within 10 seconds.
4. Track urges and completions in a simple tally (✓); review weekly.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Start by trusting in small, low-stakes situations with new people.

How to Apply

1. Identify one person/situation safe for a small trust test.
2. Make a specific ask with a clear yes/no and time box.
3. Observe the response; note data for trustworthy vs. not.
4. Adjust your circle and boundaries based on the data.

How & Why It Works

• Small, bounded trust tests build accurate models of safety; attachment awareness shifts partner selection.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Learn to differentiate between trustworthy and untrustworthy behaviors.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Rebuild trust in your own intuition and judgment.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.
• Small, bounded trust tests build accurate models of safety; attachment awareness shifts partner selection.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Document your feelings, interactions, and recurring issues in relationships.

How to Apply

1. List 3 recurring moments from past relationships (facts only).
2. Mark the red‑flag cues you ignored; write a better response line.
3. Choose one cue to honor for the next 2 weeks; set a reminder.
4. Debrief after each encounter—what changed, what to refine.

How & Why It Works

• Making patterns explicit reduces cognitive biases and enables better, earlier choices (implementation intentions).

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Learn common red flags for unhealthy dynamics (e.g., gaslighting, control, manipulation).

How to Apply

1. List 3 recurring moments from past relationships (facts only).
2. Mark the red‑flag cues you ignored; write a better response line.
3. Choose one cue to honor for the next 2 weeks; set a reminder.
4. Debrief after each encounter—what changed, what to refine.

How & Why It Works

• Making patterns explicit reduces cognitive biases and enables better, earlier choices (implementation intentions).

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Once identified, consciously choose to respond differently to old triggers.

How to Apply

1. List 3 recurring moments from past relationships (facts only).
2. Mark the red‑flag cues you ignored; write a better response line.
3. Choose one cue to honor for the next 2 weeks; set a reminder.
4. Debrief after each encounter—what changed, what to refine.

How & Why It Works

• Making patterns explicit reduces cognitive biases and enables better, earlier choices (implementation intentions).

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Reconnect with friends and family you may have neglected.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Engage in activities that bring you joy and connect you with new people.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Spend quality time with yourself, doing things you enjoy alone.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Write a letter expressing your feelings, then destroy it.

How to Apply

1. Set a 10‑minute timer; write the unsent letter or create your ritual.
2. Name what you’re releasing and what you’re keeping (lessons, strengths).
3. Close with one kind sentence to yourself; store or safely dispose.
4. Repeat weekly until emotional charge drops below 3/10.

How & Why It Works

• Rituals and narrative processing help integrate loss, reducing rumination and promoting meaning‑making.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Understand that forgiveness is for your peace, not condoning their actions.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Forgive yourself for any perceived mistakes or shortcomings.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Commit to a period of being single to focus solely on your healing.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Address the underlying reasons you seek external validation.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Be honest with yourself and others about your readiness for a new relationship.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Learn about secure, anxious, avoidant attachment styles.

How to Apply

1. Identify one person/situation safe for a small trust test.
2. Make a specific ask with a clear yes/no and time box.
3. Observe the response; note data for trustworthy vs. not.
4. Adjust your circle and boundaries based on the data.

How & Why It Works

• Small, bounded trust tests build accurate models of safety; attachment awareness shifts partner selection.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Identify your own attachment patterns and their origins.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Seek out relationships with individuals who exhibit secure attachment.

How to Apply

1. List 3 recurring moments from past relationships (facts only).
2. Mark the red‑flag cues you ignored; write a better response line.
3. Choose one cue to honor for the next 2 weeks; set a reminder.
4. Debrief after each encounter—what changed, what to refine.

How & Why It Works

• Making patterns explicit reduces cognitive biases and enables better, earlier choices (implementation intentions).
• Small, bounded trust tests build accurate models of safety; attachment awareness shifts partner selection.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Explore where these feelings truly come from (e.g., past betrayal, low self-esteem).

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Remind yourself of your inherent worth, independent of others' actions.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Express your feelings calmly and openly with a trusted partner (if applicable).

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Focus on becoming the healthiest version of yourself.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Define what you truly seek in a partner and a relationship.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Show up as your true self, attracting those who resonate with you.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Understand your own limits and needs.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Articulate your boundaries clearly and calmly.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Consistently uphold your boundaries, even when it's uncomfortable.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Explore past experiences or beliefs that contribute to this fear.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Practice committing to small things, then gradually larger ones.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Be open with potential partners about your process.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ View regret as a lesson for future choices, not a reason for self-punishment.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Acknowledge that you did the best you could with the information you had.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ If possible, take action to make amends or change future behavior.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Regularly repeat positive affirmations about yourself.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Consistently engage in activities that nurture your well-being.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.
• Rituals and narrative processing help integrate loss, reducing rumination and promoting meaning‑making.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Consciously challenge negative self-talk.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Their timeline is not your timeline. Focus on your own healing.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ This is even more crucial to avoid painful comparisons.

How to Apply

1. Commit to a strict 30‑day no‑contact window (block, mute, or archive).
2. Create a "distraction deck" of 10 short, absorbing tasks (2–10 min each).
3. When the urge hits, pick any task and start within 10 seconds.
4. Track urges and completions in a simple tally (✓); review weekly.

How & Why It Works

• Removing cues and redirecting attention weakens reward loops that keep obsession alive (habit reversal).

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Your feelings are valid, regardless of their actions.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Be honest about your needs with shared friends, without badmouthing your ex.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Set boundaries around discussions about your ex or mutual events.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Cultivate new friendships that are solely yours.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Journal your feelings without censorship, then physically release the writing.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Bitterness ties you to the past. Redirect energy to building your future.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Find things to be grateful for, even small ones, to shift your mindset.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Do you feel whole and happy on your own, without needing a partner?

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Have you processed and healed from past heartbreaks?

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Do you have a clear understanding of what you want and need in a healthy partnership?

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Cultivate a deep, loving relationship with yourself.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Believe that there are many potential connections in the world.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Enjoy your current life without fixating on a future partner.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Focus on expressing your feelings and needs using "I" statements.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Truly listen to others without interrupting or planning your response.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Practice calming yourself before difficult conversations.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Acknowledge and comfort the part of you that feels abandoned.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Build strong, reliable connections with trusted friends and family.

How to Apply

1. Identify one person/situation safe for a small trust test.
2. Make a specific ask with a clear yes/no and time box.
3. Observe the response; note data for trustworthy vs. not.
4. Adjust your circle and boundaries based on the data.

How & Why It Works

• Small, bounded trust tests build accurate models of safety; attachment awareness shifts partner selection.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Cultivate skills and resources that make you feel capable and independent.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Consciously choose to respond differently when old patterns emerge.

How to Apply

1. List 3 recurring moments from past relationships (facts only).
2. Mark the red‑flag cues you ignored; write a better response line.
3. Choose one cue to honor for the next 2 weeks; set a reminder.
4. Debrief after each encounter—what changed, what to refine.

How & Why It Works

• Making patterns explicit reduces cognitive biases and enables better, earlier choices (implementation intentions).

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Strengthen your boundaries and enforce them consistently.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Therapy can provide tools and insights for breaking deep-seated patterns.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Observe the thought without judgment, then let it pass like a cloud.

How to Apply

1. Commit to a strict 30‑day no‑contact window (block, mute, or archive).
2. Create a "distraction deck" of 10 short, absorbing tasks (2–10 min each).
3. When the urge hits, pick any task and start within 10 seconds.
4. Track urges and completions in a simple tally (✓); review weekly.

How & Why It Works

• Removing cues and redirecting attention weakens reward loops that keep obsession alive (habit reversal).

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Immediately engage in an absorbing activity when thoughts arise.

How to Apply

1. Commit to a strict 30‑day no‑contact window (block, mute, or archive).
2. Create a "distraction deck" of 10 short, absorbing tasks (2–10 min each).
3. When the urge hits, pick any task and start within 10 seconds.
4. Track urges and completions in a simple tally (✓); review weekly.

How & Why It Works

• Removing cues and redirecting attention weakens reward loops that keep obsession alive (habit reversal).

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ This is the most effective way to reduce intrusive thoughts.

How to Apply

1. Commit to a strict 30‑day no‑contact window (block, mute, or archive).
2. Create a "distraction deck" of 10 short, absorbing tasks (2–10 min each).
3. When the urge hits, pick any task and start within 10 seconds.
4. Track urges and completions in a simple tally (✓); review weekly.

How & Why It Works

• Removing cues and redirecting attention weakens reward loops that keep obsession alive (habit reversal).

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Allow yourself to fully feel and express the sadness, anger, and other emotions.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Create a personal ritual to mark the end of the relationship and honor what was lost.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.
• Rituals and narrative processing help integrate loss, reducing rumination and promoting meaning‑making.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Lean on friends, family, or a therapist for emotional support.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Identify and challenge your need for external approval.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Learn to affirm your own worth and accomplishments.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Make decisions based on your own values, not others' opinions.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.
• Small, bounded trust tests build accurate models of safety; attachment awareness shifts partner selection.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ View regret as a lesson for future choices, not a reason for self-punishment.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Acknowledge that you did the best you could with the information you had.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ If possible, take action to make amends or change future behavior.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Regularly repeat positive affirmations about yourself.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Consistently engage in activities that nurture your well-being.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.
• Rituals and narrative processing help integrate loss, reducing rumination and promoting meaning‑making.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Consciously challenge negative self-talk.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Their timeline is not your timeline. Focus on your own healing.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ This is even more crucial to avoid painful comparisons.

How to Apply

1. Commit to a strict 30‑day no‑contact window (block, mute, or archive).
2. Create a "distraction deck" of 10 short, absorbing tasks (2–10 min each).
3. When the urge hits, pick any task and start within 10 seconds.
4. Track urges and completions in a simple tally (✓); review weekly.

How & Why It Works

• Removing cues and redirecting attention weakens reward loops that keep obsession alive (habit reversal).

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Your feelings are valid, regardless of their actions.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Be honest about your needs with shared friends, without badmouthing your ex.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Set boundaries around discussions about your ex or mutual events.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Cultivate new friendships that are solely yours.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Journal your feelings without censorship, then physically release the writing.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Bitterness ties you to the past. Redirect energy to building your future.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Find things to be grateful for, even small ones, to shift your mindset.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Do you feel whole and happy on your own, without needing a partner?

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Have you processed and healed from past heartbreaks?

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Do you have a clear understanding of what you want and need in a healthy partnership?

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Cultivate a deep, loving relationship with yourself.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Believe that there are many potential connections in the world.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Enjoy your current life without fixating on a future partner.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Focus on expressing your feelings and needs using "I" statements.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Truly listen to others without interrupting or planning your response.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Practice calming yourself before difficult conversations.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Acknowledge and comfort the part of you that feels abandoned.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Build strong, reliable connections with trusted friends and family.

How to Apply

1. Identify one person/situation safe for a small trust test.
2. Make a specific ask with a clear yes/no and time box.
3. Observe the response; note data for trustworthy vs. not.
4. Adjust your circle and boundaries based on the data.

How & Why It Works

• Small, bounded trust tests build accurate models of safety; attachment awareness shifts partner selection.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Cultivate skills and resources that make you feel capable and independent.

How to Apply

1. Write a 3‑line self‑respect pledge (values, boundaries, rest).
2. Schedule a 10‑minute daily ritual that nourishes you (non‑negotiable).
3. Decline one request this week that violates your pledge.
4. Celebrate one action daily—log it in one sentence.

How & Why It Works

• Self‑compassion practices improve mood regulation and reduce shame spirals, supporting healthy boundaries.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Consciously choose to respond differently when old patterns emerge.

How to Apply

1. List 3 recurring moments from past relationships (facts only).
2. Mark the red‑flag cues you ignored; write a better response line.
3. Choose one cue to honor for the next 2 weeks; set a reminder.
4. Debrief after each encounter—what changed, what to refine.

How & Why It Works

• Making patterns explicit reduces cognitive biases and enables better, earlier choices (implementation intentions).

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Strengthen your boundaries and enforce them consistently.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Therapy can provide tools and insights for breaking deep-seated patterns.

How to Apply

1. Clarify the smallest next action related to this tool (≤10 min).
2. Do it now or schedule it today with a cue (alarm or calendar).
3. Track feelings 0–10 before and after; note one insight.
4. Repeat 5–7 days; keep/cut/change one element next week.

How & Why It Works

• Tiny, repeatable behaviors compound into identity change and resilient habits.

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Observe the thought without judgment, then let it pass like a cloud.

How to Apply

1. Commit to a strict 30‑day no‑contact window (block, mute, or archive).
2. Create a "distraction deck" of 10 short, absorbing tasks (2–10 min each).
3. When the urge hits, pick any task and start within 10 seconds.
4. Track urges and completions in a simple tally (✓); review weekly.

How & Why It Works

• Removing cues and redirecting attention weakens reward loops that keep obsession alive (habit reversal).

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ Immediately engage in an absorbing activity when thoughts arise.

How to Apply

1. Commit to a strict 30‑day no‑contact window (block, mute, or archive).
2. Create a "distraction deck" of 10 short, absorbing tasks (2–10 min each).
3. When the urge hits, pick any task and start within 10 seconds.
4. Track urges and completions in a simple tally (✓); review weekly.

How & Why It Works

• Removing cues and redirecting attention weakens reward loops that keep obsession alive (habit reversal).

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief

Purpose / Reason
✅ This is the most effective way to reduce intrusive thoughts.

How to Apply

1. Commit to a strict 30‑day no‑contact window (block, mute, or archive).
2. Create a "distraction deck" of 10 short, absorbing tasks (2–10 min each).
3. When the urge hits, pick any task and start within 10 seconds.
4. Track urges and completions in a simple tally (✓); review weekly.

How & Why It Works

• Removing cues and redirecting attention weakens reward loops that keep obsession alive (habit reversal).

Results & Goals

• Immediate (0–72h): Fewer obsessive loops; sleep and appetite stabilize; first relief moments appear.
• Short‑term (1–4 weeks): Clearer boundaries and less contact checking; improved mood and energy; more social reconnection.
• Medium‑term (1–3 months): New relationship patterns (secure behaviors); sustained focus on goals; genuine hope and attraction alignment.

Citations / References

• APA — Relationships & Couples
• Gottman Institute — The Four Horsemen
• Greater Good Science Center — Attachment Styles
• EMDRIA — What is EMDR Therapy?
• ACBS — About Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Linehan Institute — Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• APA — Coping with Grief